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墨書 Inktalez
The sea was icy and biting as I plunged into the water, desperately swimming toward the direction where Jing Shu had disappeared. The salty seawater rushed into my nose and mouth, choking me and causing my throat to burn painfully.
But I paid no mind; a single thought consumed my mind. My arms moved mechanically, each second stretching out like a century. The noise from the shore gradually faded away, and it felt as if I was the only one left in the world, battling against the boundless ocean.
Just as darkness began to cloud my vision, I reached out in despair, only to grasp a scarf drifting in the water. The faint fragrance of Jing Shu lingered on it, but at that moment, it felt like a sharp blade piercing through my heart.
I surfaced from the water in despair, calling out weakly, “Jing Shu! Lin Jingshu!” My voice was hoarse, echoing across the empty sea, yet there was no response. Only the cold waves crashed against my face again and again, mocking my helplessness.
Back on the shore, I was soaked to the bone, collapsing onto the sand. Trembling hands fished out the letter Jing Shu had left behind from my pocket. The elegant handwriting on the envelope seemed particularly glaring at that moment.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the letter inside. Under the dim sky, the sea breeze whipped up grains of sand that stung my face, but I felt nothing.
I read each word carefully; the memories recorded in that letter flashed through my mind like scenes from a movie—childhood games and laughter, youthful innocence and confusion, and the tangled love and hate of adulthood. Those details I had once overlooked now stood vividly before me.
Jing Shu’s love, Jing Shu’s hate, Jing Shu’s helplessness—all pierced through my heart like sharp knives.
“Jing Shu, I’m sorry…” I murmured to myself as silent tears fell, dripping onto the letter and spreading into dark stains.
As I looked at how Jing Shu expressed her love and disappointment towards me in that letter, I finally understood just how wrong I had been all along.
I had always thought of Jing Shu as gentle and obedient, someone who accepted everything without complaint. I never imagined that beneath her fragile exterior lay a heart scarred by pain.
After reading the letter, I could no longer hold back my tears, covering my face as I wept. Memories of Jing Shu's calm gaze before she left, her resolute silhouette, flooded my mind. Regret threatened to consume me.
Returning to Jing Shu's home, I locked myself in my room, shutting myself off from the world. I replayed every moment we had shared, from our first meeting to our final farewell. I questioned myself repeatedly: why hadn’t I noticed Lin Jingshu’s suffering sooner? Why hadn’t I given her more love and care? Why…?
“Shi Ann! Open the door! What are you doing?”
My mother’s anxious voice came from outside, accompanied by a frantic knocking. She pounded on the door, trying to persuade me to let her in, but she didn’t know that at that moment, Shi Ann could hear nothing.
I was drowning in a pit of despair, unwilling to face anyone or the reality around me.
“Open the door! Shi Ann!”
My mother continued to knock, her voice tinged with tears. “Jing Shu is gone! Torturing yourself like this won’t bring her back!”
But all that answered her was a suffocating silence.
In my room, I clutched Jing Shu’s farewell letter tightly, curled up in the corner of my bed like a wounded creature. Yet there would never again be a girl named Lin Jingshu to save me.
My mother’s cries gradually faded away, and the world fell silent once more, leaving me alone.
Numbly, I stood up and walked to the wardrobe, pulling open the door. Jing Shu’s clothes hung neatly inside, each piece carrying her familiar scent. Trembling, I picked up a white knitted sweater she often wore and gently pressed it against my face, as if I could still feel her warmth.
Tears blurred my vision once more as I held onto that sweater tightly, allowing sorrow to engulf me completely.
I began to sort through Jing Shu's belongings, piece by piece, page by page, each item a trace of her existence.
A diary, photo albums, sketches, her favorite plush toy...
I carefully organized these items and locked them in a wooden box, moving it to the study.
This would become a space dedicated solely to her memories.
On the desk in the study lay photographs of Jing Shu from her lifetime.
In the pictures, she smiled brightly, gentle and serene, with a playful and lively demeanor.
My fingertips lightly brushed against her face in the photos, and my heart twisted in pain.
I pulled out videos from her life, watching her every smile and gesture, deepening my sense of guilt towards her.
I owed her so much, far too much...
"Jing Shu, if only time could turn back, I would definitely..." I choked on my words, unable to form a complete sentence.
I knew it was all too late.
What remained for me was only endless regret and self-reproach.
I took out my phone and dialed the lawyer's number.
After arranging everything, I drove to Lin Jingshu's grave.
The sky was overcast, with a light drizzle falling, mirroring my current mood.
On the gravestone, Jing Shu's photo remained as gentle and beautiful as ever.
I placed a bouquet of white lilies at the base of the gravestone and stood silently for a long time.
"Jing Shu, I've come to see you."
My voice was low and trembled slightly, "Jing Shu, I'm sorry... I miss you so much."
I collapsed in front of the gravestone, pouring out my regrets and longing to her over and over again.
I took out a small knife, my movements gentle yet mechanical, as if performing an ancient and sacred ritual.
Blood dripped slowly from my wrist, merging with the earth beneath me; I felt no pain at all, only a sense of relief before liberation.
Sunlight filtered through the sparse clouds, casting dappled light on his gaunt face but failing to bring any warmth.
"Jing Shu, since I can't forget you, I'll come to accompany you..."
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