I once loved you deeply, and later, I hated you just as intensely.
When love turns into hate, it often becomes more severe; it is a hatred that penetrates to the bone.
Li Taida has long forgotten when he began to hate his father. Perhaps it started when Li Xian raised his first bottle of alcohol, or maybe it was when Li Xian threw his first dice, or perhaps it was when everyone thought that was just a normal beginning.
Li Xian walked out and became another person.
At that time, Li Taida was still young. But he remembers that after that moment, he moved out of the big house. From then on, his father, who had never drunk before, became perpetually intoxicated, and what was once an enviable family of three turned into one that people avoided.
All of this happened because Li Xian developed a gambling addiction.
At thirty years old, Li Xian was a myth. He went from having nothing to building a fortune from scratch, amassing millions in Dongxing City.
At twenty, Li Xian met the woman he hoped would be by his side for life—Dumair, Li Taida's mother. At that time, Li Xian had nothing while Dumair earned six thousand a month. There was nothing more tragic than encountering the woman he wanted to care for during his most helpless moments.
But Dumair didn't mind because she saw hope and ambition in Li Xian.
Three years after their marriage, Dumair used her savings to provide Li Xian with startup capital for his business. They were so poor they could barely make ends meet; to marry Li Xian, Dumair even severed ties with her family. They shared one meal at a time, and tears welled up in Li Xian's eyes.
Li Xian promised, "I will make sure you live in a big house one day, counting money at home without ever having to endure Boss's disdain again."
Dumair replied, "I will wait for that day."
Two years later, Li Xian made a fortune in business. He started his own company and bought his wife a large diamond ring.
Then the couple held each other and cried at home.
They both naturally would not forget that when they had just gotten married, Li Xian couldn't even afford the cheapest diamond ring. They had no money for a banquet, and their wedding took place in a shabby rental apartment that cost three hundred yuan a month. Li Xian prepared a dish called "Azure Dragon Crossing the Sea" for his beloved—just a few vegetables in a pot.
There were no witnesses, just the two of them. They achieved the true essence of marriage through love.
Dumair held that diamond ring and looked at it all night long. After they had cried together, excitement took over, an uncontrollable thrill. They lay in bed, gazing at the ring until dawn. Dumair felt happy because not everyone could marry for love, and not every businessman could achieve such success in just two years.
Dumair believed her judgment was spot on.
Two years later, their son Li Taida was born. By this time, Li Xian's business was booming; he fulfilled the promise he made four years ago, allowing Dumair to live in a big house and count money at home without having to worry about pleasing a boss. Dumair became a full-time wife, the woman behind a so-called successful man.
Three years later, Li Xian bought a villa in Dongxing City for several million.
At that time, Li Xian was thirty years old.
All those who once looked down on Li Xian seemed to have become his good friends; they called him Brother Li as if they had been close since birth.
At that time, Li Taida was four years old and just beginning to understand things.
Building a family is like pricking the earth with a needle; losing one is like water washing away sand.
When he was poor, no one paid attention to Li Xian. But when his name appeared in the newspapers of Dongxing City, a whole bunch of so-called friends came looking for him. As the saying goes, when you're poor in the bustling city, no one cares; when you're rich in the deep mountains, distant relatives come calling. Li Xian's distant relatives arrived, and there were quite a few of them.
From being utterly broke, what Li Xian feared most was being looked down upon by others. Now things had changed; everyone respected him and regarded him as an idol.
Under the guidance of several so-called distant relatives, Li Xian got involved in gambling.
From then on, it spiraled out of control.
At the beginning, Li Xian would only lose around ten to twenty thousand each time, which was not much compared to his savings. If he could have stopped there, naturally, nothing else would have happened later.
Sometimes, pride is a double-edged sword.
If Li Xian wanted to accomplish something, he had to see it through. He had always been stubborn; once he made up his mind, nothing could pull him back. So he believed that what he lost in the casino had to be regained in the casino. That year was a rollercoaster for him; sometimes he could win back hundreds of thousands in a single night, while other times he would lose just as much.
In reality, if everyone could make money from gambling, then the concept of "gambling" wouldn't exist at all.
What he could win back was merely what the casino had given him.
In professional gambling terms, this is called "feeding the pigs."
The casino operators know that once you taste success, you become addicted to it.
It’s like a quagmire; the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. And Li Xian had already sunk one foot into the mire; as he tried to pull his foot out, he didn’t realize that his other foot was already stuck in it as well.
The more someone wants to turn things around, the deeper they fall.
Li Xian lost tens of thousands every night, sometimes even hundreds of thousands. If this continued, no matter how much wealth he had, it would be of no use.
His heart was no longer in his business. Every time Li Xian returned home, his face was long and sullen.
Within just a few months, Li Xian had drained all the savings from his account.
He began to take loans in the name of his company, but those borrowed funds were used for gambling.
This couldn’t last for long. Li Xian had started from scratch and naturally understood this principle. But when he wanted to withdraw, he realized that half of him was already stuck in the mire. If he wanted to repay this loan and prevent his company from going bankrupt, he needed more capital.
He placed his fate on the gambling table.
From that moment on, he drank heavily every night, and for the first time, he struck Dumair.
At that time, Li Taida was six years old.
Once he started to fight, it seemed that the bottom line could be pushed lower and lower. Li Xian began to become unpredictable; after each drinking session, he would vent his anger on his wife. At first, he used his fists, then his feet, and eventually, he unbuckled his belt.
Dumair was covered in bruises, while Li Taida could only cry.
Dumair cried as well. At that moment, Li Taida did not understand that the pain in his heart was far more intense than the pain in his body.
A year later, Li Xian's company went bankrupt, and their villa was taken by the bank. The family moved back into their old house. Dumair comforted her husband, reminding him that they had survived tough times ten years ago; they could start over from scratch again. If they could do it ten years ago, they could do it again ten years later.
In response to Dumair's words, he gave her a beating.
Li Xian's pride had long been trampled underfoot; those who once called him brother had vanished, as had distant relatives. From then on, when people saw him, he was no longer Brother Li but rather "look at that loser."
For the next five years, Li Taida and his mother seemed to live in hell.
The hallway was covered with red paint proclaiming "Pay your debts," and many people called at midnight to harass them. While walking down the street, they were often surrounded by debt collectors. They hurled filthy insults at his mother, and at those moments, Li Taida would always step forward.
But at eleven years old, he was simply no match for those men.
Several of them pushed Li Taida to the ground and spat on his face: "Tell your dad that if the money isn't paid back soon, you two will have to pay off the debt yourselves."
Li Xian's dignity was trampled after turning thirty, while Li Taida had no concept of dignity since he became aware of the world. Ironically, his sense of dignity was built upon another man's downfall.
Li Taida could never see her father's shadow; he was elusive, hiding to escape debts.
But those debts still needed to be repaid. Dumair sold their house but still owed over a hundred thousand in loans.
Li Taida would always remember those days when she and her mother lived in a rundown rental. They were so poor that they had not a single cent to spare, yet Li Taida had to go to school. Even with reductions, Dumair still couldn't afford it. After becoming a full-time housewife, she could no longer find a job that paid six thousand a month. The only option left was to work as a waitress, earning just a thousand a month, which had to cover rent and debt repayments.
But how could those loan sharks possibly let her off the hook?
Debts must be repaid with flesh, and finally, Dumair made a choice.
This led Dumair down another path.
Li Taida would forever remember that day when Dumair gave her twenty yuan to go out and play.
When Li Taida returned home, she found Dumair sprawled naked on the bed, her tears long dried up. Li Taida instinctively knew what had happened, but she felt powerless.
Dumair held her son close, murmuring, "They won't come to bother us anymore; you just focus on your studies."
A hundred thousand was not something that could be easily repaid.
Dumair became a woman of the night in the year she turned nearly forty.
But she was too old now; her price was very low.
Li Xian returned because he had learned about this situation. At the nightclub, Li Xian encountered Dumair. When he saw an old man grabbing Dumair's behind as they left together, Li Xian followed her. Back at the rental, Li Xian confronted Dumair once more.
"Put a green hat on me!" Li Xian shouted as he whipped Dumair with his belt.
Li Taida returned home and witnessed this scene. For the first time, Li Taida stood in front of his father, taking the blows meant for both himself and Dumair.
That year, Li Taida was fourteen.
Li Xian continued his gambling ways, living a life where he borrowed money to gamble and returned home at night to unleash his anger.
Li Taida cried to his mother, "Divorce him! You should leave and hide somewhere that Li Xian can't find you."
Dumair nodded in agreement.
From that moment on, Li Taida never saw his mother again.
Two years later, Dumair paid off the debts and bought a house in Li Taida's name—the very house we had searched earlier.
Li Taida had no idea how his mother earned that money, but he knew it must have come at an unimaginable cost.
Yet Li Xian moved into that house, and every time he got drunk, he would wreak havoc, leaving the place in disarray.
At sixteen, Li Taida finally decided to kill his father.
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