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墨書 Inktalez
Song Zhe was a slender man with dark skin. He wore a school uniform, and on his feet were a pair of sneakers that had been washed so many times they had turned white, to the point where it was hard to tell what color they originally were. This outfit was indeed unique in college, making it clear that he was genuinely poor.
We asked Director Wang for an office where we would not be disturbed, and both Zhang Yunhu and Song Zhe were inside. Compared to Zhang Yunhu's fluent responses and Hou Yao's carefree attitude, Song Zhe appeared very tense, unsure whether to sit or stand, looking at me and Guan Zengbin with an innocent expression.
Guan Zengbin revealed his identity, and Song Zhe visibly flinched, his expression evasive. This wasn’t surprising; many ordinary people go their whole lives without interacting with the police, and when faced with them, their first reaction is often not one of safety but rather an inexplicable fear. I wondered if this was a kind of tragedy.
“Please sit down, Song Zhe,” I said as I took a seat across from him, watching him fidget.
Only then did Song Zhe sit down, clasping his left hand over his right in his lap. “What do you want from me? I haven’t done anything wrong; I’ve always been well-behaved.”
I placed Song Zhe's diary on the desk, flipping through its pages as I spoke calmly. “Director Wang’s office is completely private; only the four of us will hear the conversation that follows.”
Upon seeing me take out the diary, Song Zhe's expression changed noticeably. He instinctively reached for it but hesitated when he saw me pull back, his hand hovering in the air as he finally murmured, “It’s unethical to read someone else’s diary…”
I maintained a serious expression as I looked at Song Zhe and slowly began reading from the diary: “I’m a loser, but my roommate is rich and handsome. He went out again to meet my goddess. At three in the early morning, he returned to the apartment tired. I hurriedly pulled down his pants and knelt down to take him in my mouth; I finally tasted what my goddess was like.”
This was the shocking entry that would astonish everyone. With each word I read aloud, Song Zhe buried his head lower. His face turned bright red, resembling a ripe tomato. Revealing such a personal secret was indeed inappropriate, but finding Liu Fei'er was the most important thing right now; I couldn’t afford to care about Song Zhe’s feelings.
Zhang Yunhu also appeared embarrassed after hearing this.
“So when did this start?” I asked Song Zhe.
But he kept his head down, stammering and refusing to speak.
“Speak up,” I said firmly as I slammed my hand on the table.
Startled by my sudden action, Song Zhe finally opened up and began to tell us his story.
If a person's worldview collapses, and they realize that the world they once knew is not the true world, I think many would choose suicide or madness.
For Song Zhe, arriving in Dongxing City shattered his worldview almost completely. When someone comes from a family that doesn't even own a television, only to discover that computers exist in this world; when a person's greatest dream is to build a house and marry a wife, yet they find countless wealthy individuals with multiple properties and "three wives and four concubines," it feels as if Song Zhe has entered another universe.
There were poor students in his class, but none as impoverished as Song Zhe.
During a computer class, he asked a classmate sitting next to him, "How do you open this thing?"
"You've never seen a computer before?"
Song Zhe could never forget the classmate's loud voice and the laughter of those around him. Those laughs pierced his heart like sharp knives, and for the first time, Song Zhe understood that the phrase "heart like cutting" was not just a dry combination of characters from a book.
Yet, he forced a silly smile, as if laughing along with everyone would help him forget that the person being mocked was himself. Song Zhe felt out of place in this world. He sat blankly in the dormitory, wanting to connect with his roommates, but he realized he didn't understand their conversations at all.
He didn't know what League of Legends was, had no idea what a Ferrari was, and had no clue about Louis Vuitton or Hermes.
He also discovered that a meal could cost hundreds of yuan, which he couldn't believe.
In his village, his mother earned three hundred yuan a month. The others in the dormitory couldn't fathom it; they thought Song Zhe was just being stingy. In truth, Song Zhe couldn't believe it either—his classmates' parents earned more in a month than his parents did in an entire year.
They all believed each other's words; they lived in two separate worlds. Like frogs in two wells—one well was broken and empty, while the other had everything one could desire.
If it weren't for his excellent academic performance, Song Zhe might have ended up like his parents, never leaving the mountains and remaining unaware of how vibrant and bizarre the world outside truly was.
Song Zhe fell silent, his self-esteem shattered by the unintentional words of others. At that moment, Zhang Yunhu appeared. Zhang Yunhu understood Song Zhe's family background and recognized the truth of his situation. He was a kind person; every time they ate together, he would pay the bill before Song Zhe could even reach for his wallet. Whenever he bought something, he always thought of Song Zhe.
Zhang Yunhu was a wealthy second-generation heir, so this money meant little to him.
In the first year, Song Zhe experienced a significant psychological gap. In class, he sat quietly at his desk. Outside of class, he sat on his bed in silence. That year, during exams, Song Zhe ranked last in his class.
Out of nine subjects, he failed eight.
That year, he faced expulsion.
However, someone entered Song Zhe's line of sight—Liu Fei'er. Liu Fei'er was the class psychology representative, and Song Zhe's reticence prompted her to feel the need to communicate with him. In this class, no one was willing to initiate a conversation with Song Zhe.
In truth, Liu Fei'er had little to say, but once she opened the door to conversation, Song Zhe began to speak freely. He believed he was above this world; in reality, it was this world that looked down on him. He wasn't antisocial; it was simply that no one wanted to talk to him.
Liu Fei'er eventually realized that it wasn't that Song Zhe didn't want to study; rather, he knew that his father had sold a kidney to support his education. But one kidney could only cover a year's tuition and living expenses, and Song Zhe understood that people only had two kidneys.
Thus, Song Zhe hoped for expulsion from school; otherwise, his parents would never allow him to choose to drop out.
Liu Fei'er told him about scholarships. As long as he studied well, tuition and living expenses wouldn't be an issue. Song Zhe was stunned; he had never heard of such a wonderful thing. However, this year he had already missed that opportunity since the semester was coming to an end.
Liu Fei'er offered to pay for his tuition for the year upfront and said he could repay her later when he had the money.
She shared that her father also had only one kidney. He had come from the mountains and had never seen much of the world. Yet now, whenever her father's name was mentioned in Dongxing City, everyone praised him.
Being poor was only temporary; as long as one worked hard, there would be hope.
At that time, Song Zhe believed that the girl was a fairy descending from the heavens.
The withdrawal documents had yet to reach Song Zhe, and the school decided to give him another chance.
However, at this moment, Zhang Yunhu learned about the situation through Liu Fei'er. Zhang Yunhu, who prided himself on being Song Zhe's good buddy, immediately organized a fundraising gala for the purpose of raising money for Song Zhe. That night, many people attended the event—classmates from both their class and others, as well as students from different majors.
The two became well-known: one was Song Zhe, and the other was the event organizer, Zhang Yunhu.
From that point on, Zhang Yunhu became the idol in many people's hearts. Handsome, wealthy, and kind-hearted—what girl wouldn't like someone like that?
Meanwhile, Song Zhe also gained fame because the school waived his tuition fees for four years.
While getting food in the cafeteria, the cafeteria uncle said to him, "You need to study hard. Although your family is struggling, poverty doesn't diminish ambition. From now on, you can come here for meals; I won't charge you."
When he went to the bathhouse to shower, the Boss told him, "I know you; you're that kid from the mountains. To be honest, I'm also from the mountains. But everything will pass. Go ahead; I won't charge you."
At the fruit stall while buying watermelon, the vendor said to him, "I recognize you. You haven't had watermelon in a long time, right? Here’s the biggest one for you; consider it my treat."
Song Zhe's academic performance never fell behind again; in his second year, he ranked first in his major.
But what no one knew was that Song Zhe felt even more out of place in this world than he did in his first year. He realized that there was something more painful than being looked down upon by everyone: it was having everyone feel sorry for you.
Everyone has their own bottom line; many believe that kindness allows them to intrude freely.
In reality, kindness only made Song Zhe suffer more. He became both self-deprecating and arrogant; he looked down on others and also despised himself.
Except for that fairy, except for Liu Fei'er.
At this moment, Song Zhe's heart had twisted. He began to collect items that Liu Fei'er had used, silently falling in love with her. He would pick up the drink bottles Liu Fei'er had used and lick them before reluctantly leaving. He would touch the chair she sat on.
People need something to live for, and for Song Zhe, this was it.
He knew he could never have Liu Fei'er, but just this way, he felt incredibly happy.
Originally, Liu Fei'er had agreed to cover his tuition fees, but Zhang Yunhu insisted on getting involved.
Song Zhe hated Zhang Yunhu even more for liking his goddess. So he agreed to Hou Yao's plan to slip a drug into Zhang Yunhu's drink. But unexpectedly, Zhang Yunhu still ended up with Liu Fei'er.
Every time Zhang Yunhu left, Song Zhe followed him. He watched as his goddess walked into a hotel with Zhang Yunhu and squatted across the street all night.
Zhang Yunhu left the hotel early, and as Song Zhe looked at the exhausted Zhang Yunhu, he suddenly knelt down for some reason. Then he did what was recorded in his diary.
Song Zhe knew he was beyond saving, but he couldn't control himself.
Loving someone meant loving everything they had touched.
This is how Song Zhe told himself.
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