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We will never know what Zhao Huanghe thought when he chose to end his life, bearing all of this alone. If he had a choice, would he have hidden his identity for fifteen years? If he had a choice, would he have wanted to take his little daughter to the park and hear her call him "Daddy"? If he had a choice, would he have mingled with society, or would he have seriously learned a trade?
Companionship is something that money cannot buy.
After hearing Zhao Ke'er’s story, I couldn't understand why she harbored thoughts of murder, and even ranked them. Her best friend, Zhao Kaifang, was at the top of that list, followed by Zhao Kaifang's boyfriend, Xiao Jingguang, and her own biological father in third place.
It was already twelve thirty-five; a flight was about to take off. I didn't have much time left to talk with her, but I still wanted to investigate thoroughly. There must be a motive for murder, yet I couldn't see why Zhao Ke'er wanted to kill them, especially Zhao Kaifang.
In Zhao Kaifang's heart, she had only one friend—Zhao Ke'er. This was why others viewed Zhao Kaifang as aloof; she wasn't well-liked in the dormitory. Because Zhao Ke'er was Zhao Kaifang's entire world, and that world continued to treat her with darkness.
"Can you tell me?" I asked Zhao Ke'er. "Why this ranking? Start from the last one."
Zhao Ke'er nodded and took a sip of hot coffee. "Zhao Huanghe—why do I want to kill him? That's easy to understand. He gave me away to someone else. Do you know how I lived as a child? Every day was torment! The kids in kindergarten mocked me, and when I got home, no one cared! Since I became aware of my surroundings, I've never known what paternal love is or what maternal love is! You say Zhao Kaifang is pitiful; at least she was loved until she turned fifteen!"
"And what about me?" Zhao Ke'er said through gritted teeth. "I lived every day in fear and ridicule! The ridiculous thing is that after I turned fifteen, they finally told me that Zhao Huanghe was my biological father! What was I supposed to be—a toy? The more Zhao Huanghe treated me well, the more I hated him! I don't hate Hou Jianguo because he isn't my biological father, but Zhao Huanghe—I will never forgive him!"
I fell silent. Did Zhao Huanghe not love Zhao Kaifang? If anyone said otherwise, they would probably face his wrath even in death. He loved Zhao Ke'er so much that he dared not acknowledge her. He loved her so much that he transferred all his money into her account.
It's ironic; if it weren't for the inheritance from Zhao Huanghe coinciding with the sudden influx of money in Zhao Keer's account, I wouldn't have doubted her so firmly. Zhao Huanghe tried his best to sever ties with Zhao Ke'er but ultimately left us the biggest clue. If he hadn't left his money to her, things might have turned out differently. But he did it anyway because he feared that without money, Zhao Ke'er would struggle after his death.
He loved Zhao Ke'er too much—enough to break the law and even commit murder; such a twisted love.
Unfortunately, I didn't have time to discuss this with Zhao Ke'er anymore; I didn't want to argue with her either. I simply continued asking, "What about the second person—Xiao Jingguang? Why do you want to kill him? If he didn't know you were Killer, would you still want to kill him?"
"Yes! I'm always thinking about it!" Zhao Ke'er nodded emphatically.
"I've never liked anyone in my life because everyone else seems hypocritical and disgusting. If I'm not good at studying, if I'm not pretty enough, if my family is poor—would those people still want to be with you? Would they still hypocritically call you a goddess? No! If it were really like that, they'd rather stay far away from you and wish you'd die sooner!" She scoffed coldly.
She continued, "But during my second year of high school, I finally realized that there are indeed people who are different. Among those I've met, only Xiao Jingguang is not like that. His family isn't wealthy, but his upbringing is excellent. He treats everyone equally—neither servile nor arrogant. Even though he's not good at studying, many people like him."
Previously, Zhao Ke'er hadn't spoken of Xiao Jingguang in such a way; it seemed this was a case of love turning into hatred.
"Indeed," Zhao Ke'er said, "that's right. Six months later, I fell for him. Many people liked him, but he ended up liking Zhao Kaifang! What kind of person is Zhao Kaifang? She has had an abortion and has been raped. I once quietly told Xiao Jingguang about this, but he didn’t care at all!"
"What makes me any less than Zhao Kaifang?" Zhao Ke'er said, her voice rising with indignation. "In terms of academics, she is in the top five, while I’m in the top three! As for looks, I don’t think I’m any worse than Zhao Kaifang! More importantly, I’m a virgin; I haven’t even been in a relationship, while that seemingly aloof yet morally loose Zhao Kaifang can’t compare to me at all!"
I couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly. At first, Zhao Ke'er criticized others for being hypocritical, but when it came to herself, wasn’t she just as hypocritical? At the same time, I felt sorry for Xiao Jingguang. Although we hadn’t spent much time together, his warmth made those around him feel comfortable.
No wonder Zhao Kaifang once wrote in her diary: Meeting Xiao Jingguang gave me a reason to become a better person.
Yet even so, Zhao Kaifang chose to walk another path for Zhao Ke'er. She would rather seduce Lv Weiguo Qiang and break up with Xiao Jingguang to protect Zhao Ke'er. But why didn’t Zhao Ke'er appreciate it? Instead, she wanted to kill Zhao Kaifang?
That was the question I most wanted to ask Zhao Ke'er.
"You say he shouldn’t have killed!" Zhao Ke'er exclaimed. "This time, he actually came to me because of Zhao Kaifang! How could I not be angry? What’s so great about Zhao Kaifang that she could enchant Xiao Jingguang like this? I was furious, so I killed him without a second thought!"
I nodded and then asked, "What about Zhao Kaifang? Why did you want to kill her?"
"I’ve wanted to kill her for a long time!" Zhao Ke'er looked at me seriously and said, "I just want to kill her; seeing her annoys me. She’s been rotten behind my back, yet so many people still like her. How dare she come and lecture me on my behavior? What I choose to do is none of her business!"
"Every time I see her, I can’t help but want to end her life. Clearly, she doesn’t have much money, yet she buys everything I like. Even though she hates durian, when she finds out that I love it, she pretends to like it too. She clearly loves Xiao Jingguang but would rather break up with him just to create opportunities for me!" Zhao Ke'er said emphatically.
"You see why I can’t stand her? My hatred for her is overwhelming!" Zhao Ke'er continued. "So whatever I say I like or dislike becomes the opposite of what she does. If I say I love raising caterpillars—she’s terrified of them—she’ll still keep them at home. If I say I love the little fish in the river, she’ll go catch fish for me!"
"Seeing her groveling makes me laugh," Zhao Ke'er said with a chuckle. "She’s like my little dog servant! So I intentionally flirted with Qiang Lv Weiguo; when she saw that, she went to bed with them to stop me! Haha! My goal was to break her and Xiao Jingguang apart."
At this point, a chill ran down my spine. What Zhao Kaifang thought was sunlight was actually an unfathomable black hole! Although Zhao Kaifang had fallen into darkness and felt powerless with no one able to pull her out, she pushed Zhao Ke'er toward the light without realizing that while Zhao Ke'er stood in sunlight, her heart had long since lost all brightness.
This deep-seated darkness made me feel even more terrified. If Zhao Kaifang's heart was wrapped in darkness but still had some red within it, then Zhao Ke'er was its complete opposite. "Haha! I want her to remain forever stuck in the mud," Zhao Ke'er continued. "Watching her life get worse day by day brings me joy!"
"Finally, on that day in college, I decided to kill her," Zhao Ke'er declared. "Someone like her doesn’t deserve to attend Lanjing University! People like her should rot in the sewers; they should be the lowest of the low and sell themselves just to survive. Yet here she is going to school with me—I couldn’t accept it, so I killed her."
Zhao Ke'er burst into laughter, her smile filled with an overwhelming hatred.
The reason for Zhao Ke'er's desire to kill was that simple—an unfounded hatred, pure and unyielding. Even after Zhao Kaifang's death, it could not be extinguished.
Zhao Kaifang was truly a pitiful girl; there was not a single person in this world who could be called her friend, nor anyone who was with her for her sake. Yet, I also felt she was fortunate. She had no friends, but she had a man who loved her through any storm and was willing to give his life for her.
Xiao Jingguang's death seemed unjust, yet Zhao Kaifang deserved such love. If that incident had never happened when she was fifteen, what would Zhao Kaifang be like now? I imagined she would have become the person she always wished to be—cheerful, lively, sunny, lovable, and most importantly, gentle and kind.
Zhao Ke'er had said everything she needed to say, and at that moment, she continued to laugh. Her laughter was heart-wrenching, even reaching her eyes.
Dezi walked in and leaned close to my ear, whispering, "We need to go now; if we don't leave soon, we’ll miss our flight back."
I looked intently at Zhao Ke'er, a chill creeping from my feet all the way up to my head. I suddenly recalled a line from Keigo Higashino's "Malice": I hate you. You are clearly my closest friend; you are so kind; you know about my sordid past and still keep it a secret for me. Yet I hate you. I also hate myself for being weak and for my lack of luck. I transfer all my self-hatred onto you, hating you with all my might.
As for Zhao Ke'er, I felt that what she truly hated was that she had not lived up to the image of Zhao Kaifang.
A high school student was kidnapped along with the Leggy School Beauty and the Busty Third-Tier Celebrity, trapped in an abandoned cabin after mistakenly eating unknown wild fruit, feeling feverish in the middle of the night.
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