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Chapter 80: A Rocky Path of the Heart
The light rain fell like clouds, like mist, shrouding the hills and lakes within sight. Between heaven and earth, it resembled the chaos of creation, filled with an inescapable gloom. On one side of the Expressway, tall archways and lush cypress trees adorned a place enveloped in clouds and fog, a destination that everyone was destined to reach: the cemetery.
After leaving Suzhou and Hangzhou that night, communication was lost. Driving to this place, Shen Lingchen hesitated outside the cemetery for a long time without entering. He knew why Xiao Mu had come here but felt a bit ashamed to speak up.
Indeed, it was not his responsibility or obligation; getting involved in such matters felt like naked calculation and exploitation. Just like all those who used informants and sought information, police would go to any lengths and would find a noble excuse for their occasionally dishonorable methods.
Shen Lingchen had never minded doing this, but this time he hesitated. If it were a suspect with a long criminal record, he estimated he wouldn’t care; those scoundrels could be sent straight to hell without him batting an eye. If it were an informant purely motivated by money, he thought he wouldn’t care either—those with impure motives were not worthy of sympathy. But Xiao Mu was precisely not one of them.
What was it for?
This question hung in the air like an unsolved case that Shen Lingchen could not answer accurately.
Was it a way to self-destruct and take revenge on his family?
This was the closest answer to the truth, making Shen Lingchen feel increasingly bittersweet. He was a spoiled child; his father's restrictions and his stepmother's pregnancy undoubtedly dealt him a blow. His already introverted and unsociable nature must have been further exacerbated.
Moreover, there was obsession. Years had passed; perhaps that billionaire husband was close to forgetting his once beloved deceased wife, yet this son could not let go.
As these thoughts crossed his mind, Shen Lingchen felt inexplicably moved. His eyes stung slightly, and the wave of sorrow gave him courage; he finally stepped inside.
Climbing up the damp steps between the stone tablets and cypress trees, Shen Lingchen searched for a long time before finally spotting Xiao Mu curled up against a gravestone. On such a rainy day, he wondered how long Xiao Mu had been there. Shen Lingchen hurried over but abruptly stopped when he got close.
Xiao Mu had sunk into despair, weakly leaning against the gravestone with vacant eyes. His sleeves and pant legs were covered in mud. The old grave looked rejuvenated; the tombstone was clean and bright. In the center of the stone stood a photo of a woman with a serene smile, as if gazing at Shen Lingchen, leaving him speechless for quite some time.
"Thank you, Commissioner Shen," Xiao Mu said weakly.
Shen Lingchen silently bowed to the gravestone and then slowly crouched down, placing the back of his hand against Xiao Mu's forehead. Xiao Mu smiled brightly and said, "Don't give me so much concern; I can't handle it."
"You feel warm; you'll get sick," Shen Lingchen whispered.
"Get used to it; it'll pass after a while," Xiao Mu said, his tone carrying a weight beyond his years.
At that moment, Shen Lingchen caught a glimpse of the other side of Xiao Mu, a wanderer far from home and country. He was a lonely person, often leaving only his back to familiar surroundings.
"Just give up," Shen Lingchen suddenly said.
"Give up what?" Xiao Mu asked softly.
"Give up the mission and return to your old life. Commissioner Zhang and I will help you plead your case... I'm sorry; I shouldn't have involved you in this," Shen Lingchen said earnestly, feeling a pang of concern for the young man before him.
"Sympathy and pity can be an insult to some people. I'd rather be scorned," Xiao Mu replied gently.
Shen Lingchen hesitated, wanting to help him up but withdrawing his hand instead. In Xiao Mu's vacant gaze, there was an emotion that felt like either determination or despair, which made Shen Lingchen inexplicably uneasy. He decided against pressing further, sitting down on the damp steps instead, watching Xiao Mu in silence, struggling to find words that could dispel the gloom hanging over them.
"Thank you," Xiao Mu said once more.
"Thank me? I don't even know what to do," Shen Lingchen replied. Given Xiao Mu's current state, it seemed inappropriate to do anything at all. He softly asked, "Is today your mother's memorial day?"
"Yes, so thank you," Xiao Mu leaned against the stone tablet, a hint of tenderness flashing in his eyes as he continued softly, "Thank you for keeping me company. My mother has been so lonely here for many years, all by herself. I really want to know what her world is like... Is it filled with as many bad people as ours? You have no idea how kind she was; if her world is like ours, she would suffer..."
Xiao Mu's rambling logic became somewhat tangled, but it didn't hinder Shen Lingchen's understanding. He could feel how deep the bond was between Xiao Mu and his mother. At that moment, he found that this seemingly spoiled youth wasn't as despicable as he first thought. A minor child abandoned by his father overseas for over a decade was certainly a failure of parental duty.
Fatherly love cannot be measured solely in money.
"Are you... waiting for someone?"
After a long pause, Shen Lingchen sensed Xiao Mu's anticipation and asked curiously.
"Yes, waiting for someone who shouldn't have come."
Xiao Mu answered with a bitter smile.
Then Shen Lingchen found himself in a difficult situation. The father and son seemed to be on completely different paths, unable to understand each other. One was preoccupied with the past, while the other was focused on the present. After a moment of thought, he cautiously said, "Mu, take care of yourself. After all, your mother has been gone for over ten years. Everyone needs to live their own life. Your father has his way, and you should have yours too."
"What was your goal in life at my age?" Xiao Mu asked.
"To earn a salary, support my family, and save money to get married," Shen Lingchen replied with a smile.
"If you were in my position, would you still have that kind of goal? Assuming you had a father who spoiled you and gave you plenty of money on time. Honestly, I used to not understand what money was; it was just a string of numbers in my bank account. When it ran out, I would confidently ask my dad for more... And he would give me everything he had. I don't love him, but I have no reason to hate him either," Xiao Mu said, a sickly smile spreading across his face.
This question was too difficult to answer, so Shen Lingchen simply skipped over it and smiled.
Of course, Xiao Mu also smiled as he continued, "Don't think it's a good thing. Those who provide the money are like grandfathers; it's the same between fathers and sons. He has money, so he can interfere with my life as he pleases—forcing me into math classes, making me learn the piano, and later pushing me to study abroad. When I didn't want to go, he locked me up and cruelly denied me food... Eventually, I gave in and started to like art and painting. But then he said that drawing nudes was indecent and forbade me from bringing home any foreign girls. He wouldn't give me a dime. I gave in again, and later when I wanted to apply for a green card to stay abroad forever and escape him, he used the same old tricks to block my application and forced me back home... In the end, I still gave in."
Shen Lingchen's gaze grew complicated; such domineering paternal love was indeed hard to bear. He cautiously asked, "Last year, about the mental hospital incident... was that also..."
"Yes, it was his doing. He thought I was causing him trouble and colluded with the psychiatrist to send me to a Mental Hospital," Xiao Mu replied. At that moment, a radiant smile lit up his face as he continued, "Who would have thought that became one of my fondest memories? Haha... I met a crazy person there—a police officer—and lived an exciting and thrilling life... Unfortunately, it didn't end well. I don't know what got into my father; he came up with some scheme to make my life miserable."
Shen Lingchen learned about the subsequent events: Old Mu's relentless desire for his son to become a Master led him to impose various restrictions on Xiao Mu until things spiraled out of control. Looking at Xiao Mu leaning softly against the gravestone, pity for him overwhelmed all other thoughts. He reached out to wipe the rainwater from Xiao Mu's head and smiled gently as he said, "They say a father's love is like a mountain; in reality, many fathers can be terrible people. But ultimately, their deep affection for their children is undeniable. He truly means well because society views you as too unconventional."
"Haha." Xiao Mu laughed wearily.
"I'm sorry if I triggered something in you," Shen Lingchen said with an apologetic smile.
"It's fine; actually, in your eyes, I'm quite unconventional too," Xiao Mu replied.
Shen Lingchen nodded; this was someone who broke the rules and couldn't be judged by common standards. Most people like him probably couldn't fit into any normal social structure.
The complexity of personality is not solely shaped by environment and experiences; there are deeper causes at play as well. For instance... Shen Lingchen glanced at the serene woman on the gravestone.
"Are you trying to understand me?" Xiao Mu asked suddenly, seeing through Shen Lingchen's thoughts.
Shen Lingchen smiled lightly as he replied, "Yes. A seasoned psychologist like you; an experienced police officer like me—we should theoretically have similar insights into people. Unfortunately, it seems I'm not as good as you."
"That's because you stand from a perspective of justice rather than fairness. Your uniform has painted a layer of moral color over you, making it impossible for you to understand those in the dark corners... So you envy me, but I too envy you for being able to stand in the sunlight and do things openly, even if those things are not honorable," Xiao Mu said.
Shen Lingchen felt a flush rise to his face. He comforted Xiao Mu, saying, "I already mentioned that I've given up on the mission."
"Are you sure?" Xiao Mu countered.
"Yes, I'm very sure now. Your mental state is no longer suitable for doing anything. Previously, I had thoughts of using you to achieve my goals, but now I think I should let it go," Shen Lingchen replied, feeling a deep sense of regret for Xiao Mu's despondency. After all, it was his incitement that led this guy to sever ties with his father.
Xiao Mu stared at him for a long time before finally saying, "It seems like that was a sincere statement. Thank you... My mother once said that there are still more good people in the world, and I think you should count as one."
"I don't deserve it," Shen Lingchen said shyly.
The two sat in the drizzling rain, exchanging idle chatter as time gradually slipped away. Xiao Mu's expression grew increasingly awkward and despondent; his words became fewer and fewer. Shen Lingchen slowly realized that the person he was waiting for had truly forgotten him, forgotten the days they had supported each other through thick and thin.
"Are you... waiting for your dad to come?" Shen Lingchen seized an opportunity to bring up this topic.
"I don't think he'll come anymore. Do we all end up like this? One day forgetting the happiness and joy we once had? One day letting go of those unforgettable memories? Just like you believers, will there come a day when you abandon your original intentions?" Xiao Mu asked softly.
"Yes, everyone will spend a long time lost in confusion, helplessness, or even degradation. Many people lose themselves; it's not related to their profession," Shen Lingchen replied.
"Am I lost then? Or is my father lost?" Xiao Mu asked.
"Both are lost. He is busy creating a new life for himself while you are confused and unable to escape your old self. Thus, it can only result in a parting of ways; neither of you gave the other a chance to understand each other," Shen Lingchen explained.
"It seems you're right," Xiao Mu said without changing his posture. His expression was filled with despair as he murmured, "It seems... you are also lost."
Shen Lingchen smiled briefly before his expression turned serious as he gazed intently at Xiao Mu.
"I guessed correctly," Xiao Mu said lightly, without any hint of joy.
"You guessed right. Like you, I'm also trying hard to find my way out," Shen Lingchen replied flatly.
The two stared at each other, as if contemplating one another. In the tranquil cemetery, the light rain had washed everything clean, leaving no trace behind. Even their gazes seemed pure. Xiao Mu saw that in the other’s eyes, there was no longer just mutual understanding, but an added layer of pity.
"I should correct my view. The personalities of you police officers are quite complex. Although you have ulterior motives, strictly speaking, you are still a good person. You're feeling sorry for me again," Xiao Mu said with a smile, though it carried a hint of sorrow.
"Unfortunately, I don't know how to help you," Shen Lingchen replied, glancing at his watch. Several hours had passed, and still there was no sign of anyone. He gently asked, "Will you listen to me?"
"No, I hate it when others interfere with what I want to do," Xiao Mu retorted without gratitude.
"I’m a police officer. Sometimes when I handle matters, I don’t consider how others feel," Shen Lingchen said slowly as he stood up. He crouched down to touch Xiao Mu's forehead and then his clothes, which were completely soaked. Noticing the dry earth beneath him, Shen Lingchen curiously asked, "When did you get here? Were you here since last night when it didn’t rain?"
"Don’t mind me; let me be alone," Xiao Mu weakly struggled against Shen Lingchen's hand.
"Silly child, if your mother could see you now, would she be at ease? Come on, I’ll carry you… Be good; otherwise, I’ll have to hit you," Shen Lingchen said as he pulled Xiao Mu up. After sitting for so long, his limbs had stiffened, and he continued to struggle weakly while shouting for Shen Lingchen to leave him alone. Shen Lingchen no longer held back; he wrapped his arms around him and lifted him onto his back, carefully descending the steps one by one.
"Mu, don’t blame me… I’m not human; I didn’t expect you to be in this situation."
"Mu, listen to me; let’s go to the hospital first… Then I’ll take you to find your dad. If he doesn’t care, I’ll give him a piece of my mind. Don’t worry; I’ll make sure you get home safely… I’m sorry; I only realized today how much of a jerk I am for deceiving you and your dad and becoming an informant… For that, I even felt proud thinking I saw your psychological weakness…"
"That’s not weakness; that’s your shining point. You actually value family more than anything else… I know you can’t accept that your father has formed a new family with another woman while leaving you behind… Try to understand that often the ones closest to us get hurt the most. If something were to happen to you, I believe the one who would suffer the most would be your father…"
At that moment, Shen Lingchen felt Xiao Mu tremble on his back as if he were overwhelmed with emotion or sadness; it seemed like pent-up feelings were spilling out. Soon after came a bout of sobbing as Xiao Mu murmured, "But he didn’t come… He hasn’t come in years… Mom is all alone here; he hasn’t even looked at her once… It’s like throwing me abroad without a glance… Wuu..."
As he cried, tears streamed down his cheeks and fell into Shen Lingchen's neck—warm at first but quickly turning cold.
Shen Lingchen shook his head and sighed as he carried Xiao Mu step by step out of the cemetery, allowing him to cry on his back like a child who couldn’t stop weeping.
The car drove straight to the hospital. Along the way, Xiao Mu leaned against the window with anticipation, seemingly searching for familiar license plates but finding none. When they arrived at the hospital entrance, Shen Lingchen's tension and anxiety were palpable as he carried Xiao Mu into the outpatient department while dialing his phone for Guan Yiqing and Guo Wei to come over.
Fortunately, it wasn’t too serious; Xiao Mu had caught a chill. The doctor mechanically wrote out a long prescription. As Shen Lingchen helped Xiao Mu out of the outpatient area and sat him down on a chair, he seriously told him, "No more crying; just focus on resting. We won’t do anything else… Ah, I’ll go get the medicine now. Later we’ll find a place to stay. Tomorrow, I'll bring Commissioner Zhang with me to your house… Just wait for me."
Xiao Mu wiped his face and nodded. Shen Lingchen silently stroked his face and smiled before rushing off to get the medicine. Covered in mud and soaked through with rainwater—his appearance was quite comical—Xiao Mu slowly stood up. He watched Shen Lingchen squeeze into the crowd to line up but then turned and walked in the opposite direction.
Shen Lingchen returned with the medicine, only to be stunned by the sight before him. The spot where Xiao Mu had been sitting was now completely empty, with only damp traces left behind and muddy footprints on the ground.
He hurriedly searched around, but soon after, Guan Yiqing and Guo Wei arrived. The three of them scoured the hospital back and forth, yet they could not find anyone…
As night fell, in Suzhou and Hangzhou, on Donghua Road, within the expansive Eastern Garden District, a large courtyard stood illuminated. A grand sign hung above the steel-welded gate: Eagle Logistics.
The courtyard was brightly lit; this particular line of work involved unloading goods during the day and transporting them at night. Several large trucks were rumbling, making it difficult for Xiao Mu, who had just entered, to see clearly.
“Hey, who the hell are you? Blocking the entrance,” two men in charge of dispatching vehicles rushed over. Upon seeing Xiao Mu's disheveled appearance, they were puzzled. One of them curiously asked, “You’re not a beggar, are you? That doesn’t seem right.”
“I’m looking for Mao Shiping,” Xiao Mu replied. The two men paused in surprise; before they could respond, Xiao Mu added, “He’s the one who asked me to come. Don’t look down on me.”
Wow, so bold! The two burly men were taken aback. One of them turned and went inside. After a moment, he shouted back, “Bring him over.”
It seemed that Mao Shiping was indeed looking for him. The man led Xiao Mu straight into the building. Inside, behind a locked iron door, another scene unfolded—bright lights illuminated a space filled with people preparing to leave or checking orders amidst the smell of smoke and sweat and the sounds of noisy arguments. As they hurried past, Xiao Mu calmly glanced around before following into a room marked as the manager's office.
Upon entering, his disheveled appearance startled Mao Shiping, who had been pouring himself a drink and preparing to reprimand someone for being shameless. He quickly waved away his companion and shut the door behind him. Looking Xiao Mu up and down with curiosity, he asked, “What happened? Did a few strong men give you a hard time? You shouldn’t look this bad.”
Xiao Mu was covered in wrinkled clothes and mud, his face pale. Mao Shiping couldn’t help but reach out to touch Xiao Mu’s forehead in surprise. “Wow, you’re burning up!”
All his anger dissipated in an instant. Looking at this young man, Mao Shiping spoke politely, “Don’t be nervous; I have a straightforward temper. I cursed Old Cripple a few times… I didn’t expect you’d end up like this.”
“It’s nothing; I’m here now, right? Mao Ge, what do you need?” Xiao Mu forced a smile and asked.
“Well…” Mao Shiping waved his hand as if he were choked by Xiao Mu’s appearance and felt embarrassed to give orders. Uncertainly he said, “I just need you to use your skills to help me pick some goods… Oh wait, given your condition, maybe we should talk about it later.”
“I’ve come all this way; it’s just a cold. My eyes aren’t even blurry,” Xiao Mu replied.
However, Mao Shiping looked at Xiao Mu with suspicion, unsure what had happened to make him look this way. Curiously he asked, “But you were fine just the day before yesterday?”
"I'm visiting my mother's grave today... I must have embarrassed you, Brother Mao," Xiao Mu said with a self-deprecating tone.
This reason seemed to surprise Mao Shiping, who gave a thumbs up and said, "Good, righteous. I like people who are emotional and loyal... Come on, let's have a drink to warm up."
Mourning Hair poured a glass of liquor but was taken aback when Xiao Mu grabbed the bottle instead. He tilted his head back and gulped down half the bottle in one go, startling Mourning Hair. He quickly snatched the bottle away. "Hey, brother, you can't drink like that; it's bad for your health!" But Xiao Mu wiped his mouth and, with a flush on his face, replied, "This is how you enjoy good liquor."
"Damn it, a brother who drinks so boldly deserves to be treated equally... Please." Mourning Hair tilted his head back and took a swig himself, gesturing for Xiao Mu to follow him out. They reached the entrance of the building, descended the stairs, and came to another heavy iron door. He fished out a key and unlocked it. Inside the musty basement, they walked a short distance in the dark before opening another door and turning on the lights, inviting Xiao Mu inside.
What lay within was a different world altogether. Unopened packages were strewn across the floor, and along the walls were shelves filled with various items—piles of watches, bundles of bracelets, boxes of brooches, badges, and pendants. The most bizarre sight was a large heap of assorted women's shoes tossed into one corner.
How many homes had been robbed to accumulate such a trove of stolen goods? Even Xiao Mu was taken aback despite his imagination. He glanced around quickly; among the items were undoubtedly many valuable things. Turning back, he found Mourning Hair grinning proudly as he asked, "Surprised?"
"Brother Mao, you really scared me," Xiao Mu admitted.
"What's so scary about it?" Mourning Hair chuckled.
"If it were just ten or eight items, it wouldn't matter. But with this many... it's a bit frightening. I mean, Brother Mao, if someone raided this place all at once, how long would you have to serve time?" Xiao Mu said nervously.
Mourning Hair let out a sly laugh. "Unless someone has x-ray vision, no one could find even one or two among my thousands of packages every day."
Xiao Mu laughed along but then questioned him back, "So how do you trust me? This is life-threatening stuff."
"Well, as long as you're aware of what you're getting into—it's life or death; your fate is tied to it," Mourning Hair replied with a sinister smile.
That's how one gets onto the pirate ship; sharing in the spoils is guaranteed, but sinking into corruption is inevitable.
"Then I'm honored. What do I need to do?" Xiao Mu asked directly without hesitation.
This was precisely the mindset of those engaged in crime—whatever you do doesn't matter as long as you follow along. Mourning Hair pointed at the items and explained, "These things are all packed up; those who buy them often stumble upon valuable treasures... But that's not an issue for us; we don't lack for these things. It's those who try to get cheap deals—they won't appreciate your kindness and will call you an idiot instead. Ha ha! Don't you think?"
"Oh, I get it now. We pick out the valuable stuff and leave nothing for those idiots," Xiao Mu replied.
Mourning Hair smiled and said to Xiao Mu, "You know, talking to smart people makes things easier... Let me lay down the rules. From now on, when you enter here, you cannot bring anything with you. No one leaves until the goods are gone; no matter what you've seen, your lips must remain sealed; no matter how valuable something is, you cannot pocket it yourself. If you break any of these rules, the consequences will be severe. Can you manage that?"
"I can," Xiao Mu nodded, secretly astonished. These simple rules were extremely effective, essentially tying the distributor and the goods together.
Mourning Hair slowly extended his hand. Xiao Mu understood and began to take out his belongings: phone, wallet, keys—one by one, he placed them into Mourning Hair's hand. Mourning Hair collected them and waved his hand, saying, "We can start now. We must finish sorting before dawn. Identify the valuable items and give them a rough price; for the common ones, don’t worry about them."
"Okay, it won't take long." Xiao Mu rolled up his sleeves and silently began.
Mao Shiping slowly exited. After the door closed with a clang—two sounds—the two layers of doors were locked tight.
Stolen goods—all stolen goods. How many thieves would it take to amass such a collection?
Xiao Mu thought solemnly as he subconsciously pondered Mourning Hair's cold smile. He couldn't grasp the reason behind his sudden acceptance into this world. Trust was certainly absent; if it wasn't trust, then it was their confidence in him—they knew he wouldn't cause trouble.
Once again, misfortune struck true. In this place where day and night did not change, three groups of people came in succession to transport items away. During their transport, Xiao Mu stayed hidden; he didn’t leave the basement for eating or any other needs. By the time he resurfaced, it was already another evening. Mourning Hair hadn’t said a word; when they emerged, the basement was completely emptied, and its destination was likely known only to Mourning Hair.
The first thing Xiao Mu did upon reaching the surface was take a shower. His old clothes had been taken away, but when he emerged, his identity had transformed entirely. New clothes and money were neatly arranged; he dressed up and stepped out looking refreshed. Mourning Hair smiled and invited him to go out for drinks and dinner. They chatted and laughed along the way as if nothing had ever happened...
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