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Mother's Day dream
墨書 Inktalez
Yes, today is Mother's Day, which is also my holiday, hahaha...
You were the one who pulled me out of that dark world when I was broken. How come you're complaining that I'm clingy now?
Actually, I am a very sensitive person. When I was young, I didn't receive enough love from my parents, so I always hoped that in the future, there would be someone who loves me very, very much. I wanted to experience the feeling of being protected and supported, but you always tell me what's right and what's wrong.
Haha, I just want a lot, a lot of love. I'm afraid of being alone. But I forgot that you are a little deer. You have me in your world, but you also have your own forest to go to. You and I are different, with different thoughts and different upbringings. I have a cold temperament, and I am also an extremely unlucky person. I have placed all my bets on you... Now, I don't even know what I want anymore. It seems like nothing matters. What do I want? It's like I have long been isolated from this world, living in a world with only you... I don't know what's right or wrong. Maybe it's my fault? I shouldn't overthink, but my mind can't control it. What should I do? I'm so tired, I don't want to be like this.
But, I don't know what I'm doing...
I feel like throwing up. I secretly drank alcohol, but I don't want to throw it up. If I do, I'll sober up, and the low mood will take over my mind. I'll be trapped back in that dark world, unable to escape...
I don't understand, really don't understand, why did you go play dice with her when that fat guy asked you to? I thought the gentleness and patience you taught me to play dice belonged only to me. I was quite happy when you taught me, really... But the next moment, it appeared with someone else.
You walked past me to teach her, the song I chose was "The World is So Big, Yet I Met You." I wanted to sing with you, but you walked past me to teach her how to play dice. You two were so close! In that moment, I felt like I was a completely insignificant person. I felt like I was unnecessary. Then why am I here? I felt like a third party, and my heart ached so much. When you asked me why I wasn't happy, I pretended to be indifferent and said it out, but my heart really ached, so much.
Maybe I'm just too jealous! I suppressed my emotions, I tried hard, I didn't want my emotions to affect you... I've tried my best... really.
/Isn't it said that after drinking, you'll forget your worries? Why can't I forget? I feel sad when I think that today is my festival day. Haha, why does it have to be today, ah! I also want to feel the sense of ceremony, I also want to celebrate.
It seems like even I have forgotten that, although I am a mother, I am also just a young girl who has just turned 20. I also want to eat delicious food and live carefree. Why is it that even when I eat barbecue now, I feel like I've done something wrong? Sob, who should I tell these things to? No one asks, and there's no one to talk to. My head is so dizzy.
What was I going to say? I forgot, sob, why, why is it that even after drinking, I still haven't forgotten the pain, and I've forgotten what I wanted to say, ah~
I can't shout loudly because the neighbor next door is asleep. What should I do?
It's raining outside, and I don't even know what I'm doing. Is all of this real or fake? I want to do something bad secretly, like throwing the slippers down, but I'm afraid it's real. What if it is? Then I'll have to go down and pick up the slippers later. I feel like throwing up. Maybe the alcohol is wearing off. I wanted to numb myself with alcohol and sleep well, but I've stayed up until now, past four in the morning, and even the sky is starting to brighten. Boo hoo hoo.
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