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墨書 Inktalez
I began to intentionally avoid Lu Zixuan, not wanting to see him or hear him speak. My mind was a jumbled mess; one moment I recalled Lin Weiwei's pitiful appearance on the rooftop, and the next, I thought of Lu Zixuan's hesitant expression. Then there were the words his friend had said about "playing hard to get" and "jerk."
In the past, we would go to school together every day, eat meals together, and study side by side, inseparable. But now, I found all sorts of excuses to steer clear of him. In the mornings, I would deliberately leave early or take a longer route to school just to avoid running into him. During lunch, I would go to the cafeteria with Xiao Ya instead of visiting his usual snack shop. After school in the evenings, I would linger in the classroom until he had left before making my exit.
It seemed Lu Zixuan had noticed my change in behavior. Several times he tried to talk to me, but I coldly brushed him off.
"Xiaoli, are... are you doing okay lately?" One day during a break, Lu Zixuan approached my desk cautiously and asked.
I kept my head down, pretending to focus intently on my homework. "I... I'm fine," I replied in a barely audible voice, too afraid to look up at him.
"Really? But... you haven't been talking to me lately, and you don't walk home with me anymore..." His tone carried a hint of disappointment mixed with an almost imperceptible sense of grievance, like a large dog that had done something wrong.
I took a deep breath, striving to keep my voice steady. "Lu Zixuan, there... there's nothing more for us to discuss."
A flicker of hurt crossed his eyes. "Xiaoli, what... what do you mean by that? Did I do something wrong? Can you tell me?" He looked so lost, like an abandoned large dog.
"Don't you understand what I mean?" I fought back the ache in my heart. "It's better for us to keep our distance from now on. It’s for your sake and for Lin Weiwei’s too." I deliberately mentioned Lin Weiwei, hoping he would grasp my meaning.
His expression changed abruptly, and his tone grew somewhat agitated. "Lin Weiwei? What does she have to do with this? The person I like... is not her! Xiaoli, what... what are you thinking? Why can't you just believe me? I told you the person I like... is not her!"
"Then... who do you like?" I mustered the courage to ask, my heart pounding wildly.
He suddenly fell silent, his gaze flickering as he avoided my eyes, stammering, "I... I..."
Seeing him like this, my heart sank. "You know what I'm thinking!" I didn't want to get entangled with him any longer, didn't want to hear anything more about Lin Weiwei, and didn't want to confront my own chaotic thoughts. I picked up my book and left the classroom.
In the days that followed, the relationship between Lu Zixuan and me grew increasingly strained. It felt as though a thick wall had risen between us, making it impossible to return to our previous closeness.
Sometimes, I would catch a glimpse of him unintentionally; he would always be standing silently in the distance, quietly watching me with eyes full of loneliness and helplessness.
Seeing him like that made my heart ache, but I didn't know what to do.
I could only repeatedly tell myself: Su Xiaoli, you cannot be soft-hearted. Women of the People's Republic of China never give up!
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