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My Husband Has Lost Love Again
墨書 Inktalez
My husband, Liu Yin, has fallen in love again.
He is hiding in the bathroom, crying, trying to drown out his sobs with the sound of the toilet flushing. Yet, his weeping still pierces through and reaches my ears.
I sit on the sofa in the living room, trembling uncontrollably. When he finally emerges from his tears, it will be my suffering that begins. Liu Yin has a lover outside named Li Wei. Their relationship is a tangled mess of breakups and reconciliations, always in turmoil. Each time they split, Liu Yin runs home to cry. Once he’s done, all his frustration is unleashed on me.
I remember the first time he hit me; it was because he wanted to give a camera to Li Wei to cheer her up. My camera and lens were my only solace after we got married. When I refused, he started smashing things. First, he shattered a lens I had placed on the table. I rushed to stop him, but he began destroying other items instead—one, two, three… All the lenses I had painstakingly saved up for were destroyed.
In a fit of rage, I grabbed an ashtray from the coffee table and hurled it at the television. The screen cracked instantly like a spider's web. He lunged at me to hit me back. But having just given birth, I was no match for him. The next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital. My forehead was stitched up with five stitches, and my whole body ached.
I told my parents that I wanted a divorce. They urged me to endure it for the sake of the child; after all, he had admitted his mistakes. In the bathroom, Liu Yin's cries grew louder and more heart-wrenching. My body trembled even more violently.
I am afraid of pain, afraid of the evil spirit that might emerge from the bathroom at any moment. The place where I had previously fractured my bone aches terribly whenever it rains. Why can't I just get along with him? I even thought about going to the temple to pray for their everlasting happiness.
I graduated from university with Liu Yin. I studied Visual Communication. My mind is as simple as my life, filled with hope for people and the future. Liu Yin is a talented individual from the Director Department, deeply passionate about film. He talks about his dreams every day. I enjoy photography and have won a few awards, big and small. The camera and lenses in my hands were all earned through hard work, one job at a time.
At that time, there was a Short Film Competition on campus, which was quite significant. Liu Yin approached me and asked if I could shoot the Poster for him. "Once the Poster is done, we’ll have a better chance in the competition," he said earnestly. Looking into his bright eyes, I accepted the job.
During that period, we were almost inseparable. He talked about his dream of making movies while I shared my experiences in photography. "After graduation, I'll start a studio, get some investment, and we can start a business together," Liu Yin declared confidently. "At that time, you’ll handle the shooting while I direct; together we’ll make our mark!"
Both our families are ordinary people without much background or resources. Everything has to be built from scratch. After graduation, I joined a magazine company with a decent income. Days passed by, and Liu Yin remained the same, pursuing his dream of becoming a director every single day.
"You should quit your job and join me."
One day, he suddenly said to me.
"The salary from the magazine is barely enough for anything."
"Join me, and together we can achieve our dreams."
I looked at him, my heart filled with mixed emotions. On one hand, I truly wanted to start a business with him. On the other hand, I worried about what would happen if we failed.
"Are you really sure about this?" I asked him.
"Of course! This is our dream!" he replied without hesitation.
I sighed and eventually agreed.
We got married.
There was no wedding, no bridal gown. Just two young hearts filled with endless hopes for the future.
Not long after the wedding, I became pregnant.
This news excited us but also made us anxious.
"In the future, you just focus on being beautiful, and I'll take care of making money to support the family," Liu Yin said gently while holding me close.
"And also, take good care of our child."
I nestled in his arms, feeling that this was the happiness I had always wanted.
At that time, although we had nothing, we were full of hope for the future.
We believed that as long as we worked hard, we could create a beautiful future of our own.
Little did I know then that this seemingly beautiful dream would ultimately turn out to be an illusion.
And I would eventually emerge from this dream, battered and bruised.
Reality delivers a loud slap to those who fail to recognize it.
Liu Yin couldn't secure any investment, and I was without a job. We were about to have a baby. My parents watched us in such a dire situation, their hearts aching for us. They decided to vacate their home and rent it out. The elderly couple moved to the countryside, renting a modest place. This way, the rent they received became our only steady income.
Liu Yin's parents also didn't stand idly by. They pooled their resources together and bought him a car. Thus, Liu Yin became a ride-hailing driver. Due to the anxiety, my pregnancy symptoms were severe. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I spent my days feeling nauseous and vomiting. Liu Yin found it bothersome and began going out at night more often, claiming he had a regular customer.
Later, I realized that this regular customer must have been Li Wei. After enduring the long months of pregnancy, I finally gave birth. The hardships of those ten months could only be truly understood by those who had experienced them. However, once the baby arrived, I was left to care for him all alone. All the household chores fell on my shoulders as well.
In the first few days, bending down was a struggle for me. My body felt completely drained, weak and powerless. I wanted Liu Yin's parents to come help out, but he said they were too old and he didn't want them to tire themselves out. As for my parents, they had retired but were still looking for work to support us two troublesome children. They wanted to help me, but their strength was limited.
Moreover, the small house we rented was far too cramped to accommodate so many people. Throughout my month of confinement, I hardly had any proper rest. I looked haggard, like a ghost.
I really can't hold on any longer.
I pleaded with Liu Yin to take the child for a couple of nights so I could get some rest.
He said he had an appointment with a client and needed to wait for them.
But I overheard him on the phone with his brother.
He complained that the child was too noisy, crying all day long—who could stand it? It was much quieter outside.
At least I still have my child.
I looked at that little bundle smiling at me, able to roll over now.
He calls me "Mom" and can talk.
Finally, my child is in elementary school.
During the day, I have a bit of time for myself.
My son is named Liu Qiqi, and he is in second grade now.
He looks just like a younger version of Liu Yin.
The way he shakes his legs while eating is identical too.
I once heard him bragging to his classmates that his dad is a big director, his face full of pride.
When they asked him about his mom, he said, "My mom is a rice bug."
While helping him with his homework, I asked him what a rice bug was.
He replied, "Just like you."
Chubby and white, only knowing how to eat, completely useless.
It's people like Dad, the big director, who contribute to society.
I felt as if I had been struck by lightning upon hearing this.
Children admire the strong and have believed Liu Yin's boasts.
This is my failure.
My son has been raised to be ignorant and cruel by me.
It was the first time I witnessed Liu Yin lay hands on me, and it was back in kindergarten.
That day, Liu Yin came to pick him up from school, and somehow, they started arguing in the car. Liu Yin got out, yanked me from the driver's seat, and began to punch and kick me right in front of Qiqi.
Qiqi was terrified, crying his heart out, his small body trembling uncontrollably. I gritted my teeth against the pain coursing through me and held him tightly, whispering words of comfort.
I soothed him all night long, and it wasn't until dawn that he finally dozed off in a daze.
As time went on, such scenes became more frequent, and he seemed to grow accustomed to them. Whenever Liu Yin was about to strike, he would instinctively retreat to his room, shut the door, put on his headphones, and immerse himself in his gaming world.
Just like today, he had learned to turn a blind eye.
Liu Yin finally cried enough and approached me with a stick he had taken from the toilet mop. I felt powerless to resist or hide, cradling my head as I cried out in pain. I could only tell myself to endure a little longer; it would soon be over.
At that moment, Qiqi's door suddenly swung open.
I looked up at him with hopeful eyes. How I wished he would say something to persuade Liu Yin, even if it was just a simple "Dad, stop hitting her." But instead, he shouted at us with an impatient expression, "It's so noisy! Can you keep it down?"
With that, he slammed the door shut with a loud bang.
With that sound echoing in my ears, my world plunged into darkness once more, devoid of any light. I closed my eyes in despair and gave up all resistance.
I hugged my head in silence, waiting for the demon to finish. I didn't want to stay in this hellish place any longer.
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