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墨書 Inktalez
He said that if we were careful and kept quiet, we generally wouldn't be affected. While walking outside, we occasionally encountered such situations. Gradually, I calmed down under his comforting words.
We sat in the carriage, watching the three fighters. They all seemed injured but couldn't let each other win. In the end, after saying something to one another, they each left. As the crisis passed, we relaxed and slumped in the carriage, taking a moment before continuing our journey.
When we arrived at the Prefectural City Inn, we heard there would be a lantern festival in three days. Coincidentally, he had a poetry gathering the next day, and since we weren't in a hurry to travel, we decided to stay together for the lanterns.
Three days later, I received a letter from Qiu Qinrui. In the letter, he asked who had taken care of his beloved orchid before it wilted and mentioned some matters regarding He Qi. He wrote: “Mu Chun, that pot of orchids wilted after you left. He Qi has been suffering from a high fever due to catching a chill a few nights ago. He keeps crying out for Mother; it’s not good for a woman to be alone outside. I've arranged for someone to clean your courtyard regularly.”
On the surface, this letter seemed to inquire about He Qi and the flowers, but it was actually an intentional or unintentional attempt to keep me from leaving. The tone was one of weakness, trying to persuade me to return by mentioning the child's illness and need for Mother.
I didn't understand why he was doing this. He clearly liked someone else; even on the day of our divorce, he seemed calm, as if finally liberated. As I read his words and thought about how he was upset over his beloved orchid's wilting and worried about He Qi's illness—feeling pity and hesitation—I contemplated whether I should respond or go back to see him.
Suddenly, I recalled how I had once brought him a thriving orchid in hopes of making him happy. He had said to me, “A country woman who can't read is unworthy of touching such noble orchids.” At that time, he had been furious and had given that pot of orchids to a servant without a second thought.
What he didn’t know was that I felt heartbroken seeing him distressed over the wilting orchid. I took it into my own room and cared for it day and night, consulting masters and reading books on its care. Because he had belittled my lack of education so many times, I secretly worked hard to learn how to read.
When He Qi fell ill in the past, I stayed awake by his side without rest, personally handling everything for fear that the servants wouldn’t take proper care of him. Yet now he complained that I was too involved and referred to me as “Auntie” at every turn.
Reflecting on all this made me realize that what I thought was good for them was actually a burden—a shackle in their eyes; anything they disliked was deemed wrong. This letter was merely an expression of discomfort due to my absence; it was as if they suddenly lost a devoted maid who tended to everything.
Since I had already divorced him, I shouldn’t force myself to cling to the past any longer. When it was time for the lantern festival, Yuan Kai came looking for me. He saw me sitting at the table lost in thought with the letter in hand but didn’t ask much—only mentioned that it was almost time.
The two of us agreed to meet on the flower boat we had rented by the riverside.
As we watched the bustling crowd on the street and admired the various lanterns floating on the lake, we sipped fine wine. Perhaps a bit tipsy, I began to confide in Yuan Kai about my past.
I shared my struggles, my efforts, and ultimately, my failures and disappointments. I couldn't understand why, despite my hard work, the outcomes always seemed wrong. I often felt that there must be something I was doing wrong for things to turn out this way.
Yuan Kai gently comforted me, assuring me that it wasn't my fault; sometimes, human nature and people's hearts are simply beyond comprehension.
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