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墨書 Inktalez
In the living room, Qiao Nuo sat on the sofa, hugging a cushion. Jin Chengyan came in from the kitchen, holding a cup of hot milk, which he placed in Qiao Nuo's hands.
His expression was serious. He had been in the kitchen for quite a while, claiming he was heating milk for Qiao Nuo, but in reality, he had gone to call Qi Ziluo to ask whether it was safe for Qiao Nuo to have a baby given her current condition.
The answer was evident from the expression on his face.
"Drink the milk, then take a shower and rest. I've kept your things for you," Jin Chengyan said, reaching out to pat Qiao Nuo's head as if she were a small animal.
Qiao Nuo nodded and took a sip of the milk. Although she didn't particularly like its sweet and milky taste, she knew that drinking milk was beneficial for the baby as it provided calcium. So even if it tasted bad, she forced herself to drink it.
"Then we should schedule a time to go to the hospital and... terminate the pregnancy."
The cup of milk slipped from Qiao Nuo's hands and crashed to the floor, spilling its contents all over the carpet in a messy puddle.
Just now, had she heard Jin Chengyan say they should terminate the pregnancy?
"I won't do it," Qiao Nuo immediately stood up, put on her shoes, and headed not upstairs but toward the door!
Jin Chengyan hurriedly followed her and grabbed her arm.
"Qiao Nuo, please don’t be stubborn! I just spoke with Qi Ziluo. Given your current condition, not only is having a baby dangerous, but even getting sick could be life-threatening! Do you think I would risk your life for a child? If we can’t have children, then so be it; Qiao Kawai is my daughter! I don’t want to endure the pain of losing you shortly after you’ve come back into my life!" Jin Chengyan argued. For Qiao Nuo to have this baby would be akin to slow suicide!
When faced with the choice between protecting an adult and protecting a child, Jin Chengyan undoubtedly chose Qiao Nuo.
Qiao Nuo pulled her hand away from Jin Chengyan’s grip and lowered her head, avoiding his gaze. However, her eyes were already red.
"Do you know? Four years ago, from the moment I found out I was pregnant to when I miscarried, it was just a matter of hours. I went from being a mother to becoming a woman who might never bear children again. Do you understand how great that emotional gap was for me? Now that I finally have the chance to have my own child, you want me to terminate it? I won’t agree to that! I want to give birth to this child—not just because of you but because I want my own child. Please promise me!" Qiao Nuo had never begged Jin Chengyan for anything before, but when it came to this child, she held firm in her beliefs.
Jin Chengyan felt a painful knot in his heart; seeing Qiao Nuo so stubborn made him ache inside.
Didn’t he feel anguish when deciding to terminate the pregnancy? This was their child—the culmination of their love! When he learned he was going to be a father, he had felt excitement and dreams of a happy future with their family of four…
However, just as they were thinking about Qiao Nuo's condition, the conversation came to an abrupt halt.
Compared to the happiness of a family of four, Jin Chengyan preferred to be alone with Qiao Nuo. Wasn't it the same with Qiao Kawai?
Yet, he understood Qiao Nuo's desire to give birth to this child.
No mother would willingly agree to give up her own child!
"Qiao Nuo, please try to understand my feelings. I would rather lose the child than lose you." He pulled Qiao Nuo into his embrace, gently pressing her against him. "From the moment I met you, we were destined to have a lifelong bond. When you left four years ago, I felt like I had lost my one true love. Do you know how many times I've silently thanked the heavens for letting me know you're still alive? But now, even the gods don't know how heartbroken I am."
Jin Chengyan lowered his gaze, feeling the slight tremor of the person in his arms. He could sense how much Qiao Nuo struggled with the decision to terminate the pregnancy.
Yes, both of them had their own convictions, and each had valid reasons for their stance. Wasn't it all because they loved each other too much?
"Just listen to me this once, okay?" Even if Qiao Nuo was angry with him, this time he had to follow his own instincts; otherwise, Qiao Nuo's life would be at risk.
Qiao Nuo remained silent. She knew how much Jin Chengyan wanted her by his side, just as she wished to give birth to their baby.
Back in their room, Qiao Nuo took a shower and changed into her pajamas before lying down on the bed. Jin Chengyan also finished showering in another bathroom and joined her.
How long had it been since they lay peacefully in the same bed? How long had it been since Jin Chengyan held Qiao Nuo like this, doing nothing but listening to her steady breathing?
Qiao Nuo turned her back to Jin Chengyan and leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his hand on her lower abdomen—whether intentionally or not, he wasn't sure.
The sound of her even breaths reached Qiao Nuo's ears, leading her to believe he had fallen asleep. Then she heard him say, "Do you know? For the four years you were gone, I didn't dare step foot in this place. The house was filled with your presence; even the smallest object reminded me of you. In the kitchen, I could see you cooking; in the living room, I could picture you sitting cross-legged on the sofa watching TV; in the garden, I could envision you watering the flowers... You see, every day without you has been restless for me. I haven't known peace since you left until you came back."
Listening to Jin Chengyan's deep and magnetic voice as he slowly shared his thoughts made Qiao Nuo's eyes well up with tears that fell silently onto the pillow beneath her, soaking a patch of fabric.
"So nothing else matters; as long as we have each other here, we will create the most beautiful memories together. Having you is already perfect for me. I don't need anything more extravagant. Qiao Nuo, my only wish is simple: just to be with you. You can fulfill that for me, right?"
Qiao Nuo nodded, unable to answer Jin Chengyan's question.
But her heart ached. Did she not want to be with Jin Chengyan? Yet when it came to choosing between the child and Jin Chengyan, she truly found it impossible to decide.
The future seemed so beautiful; she and Jin Chengyan could live happily together. However, she could not be a mother in the truest sense.
Or perhaps, if the child were born and she tragically fell, it would be Jin Chengyan alone raising the child.
No matter which scenario it was, Qiao Nuo felt distressed.
Why couldn’t there be a way to have both?
To give birth to the child and still be able to stay by Jin Chengyan's side.
“Do you know? In my heart, I have already lived a lifetime with you.” She held his hand and placed it on her abdomen.
A lifetime—what a heavy word! She had thought that life was something to be lived, but now she had to articulate it.
Indeed, in her mind, she had already spent an entire life with Jin Chengyan.
No, from the moment they first met, they had already begun anew.
They had met at a formal occasion; she hadn’t stripped away his towel or seen him completely naked, nor had he proposed marriage to her.
They introduced themselves to each other and developed mutual affection. They went on dates and did all the things couples do. Then Jin Chengyan proposed to her, and she accepted. Their families met, and everyone agreed they should be together.
They held a wedding, went on their honeymoon, and she became pregnant. He was overjoyed. They welcomed a healthy baby into the world and raised the child together. She had even thought of names for their baby.
Their child went to school, grew up, fell in love, and got married.
They gradually grew old together, always by each other's side, unaware of who would leave this world first. However, the one left behind would continue to live well, and when the time came for them to depart, they would meet again in heaven and restart their love.
Look, Qiao Nuo has already lived this life in her heart with Jin Chengyan.
Though their life was ordinary and mundane, just like everyone else's—filled with shades of white and green—this was the life Qiao Nuo desired: to be with the one she loved, living the simplest life and loving her dearest.
Jin Chengyan held Qiao Nuo close; how could he not have already planned their life together in his mind?
Yet now, the atmosphere between them felt somewhat heavy. Perhaps after some time, when Qiao Nuo no longer missed the child so intensely, when they could begin anew, everything would become much simpler.
Time always tends to heal many wounds.
Qiao Nuo's breathing gradually became steady, her body softening as if she had fallen asleep.
But Jin Chengyan could not sleep at all, no matter what. Even with Qiao Nuo in his arms.
Forgive his selfishness; he desired Qiao Nuo's heart more than he wanted a child. The child surely wouldn’t blame him! If it truly came down to a choice, Jin Chengyan would unhesitatingly choose Qiao Nuo.
Perhaps in this lifetime he was destined not to be a father; maybe in the next one.
“Baby, in our next life, let’s be a family again, okay?” Jin Chengyan whispered gently to the little one inside Qiao Nuo's belly.
In the stillness of the night, in a quiet room, a pair of long-separated lovers lay on the same bed, each lost in their own thoughts.
Around four or five in the morning, Qiao Nuo slowly opened her eyes. Feeling Jin Chengyan holding her close, she turned and saw his face just inches away from hers.
She remembered being captivated by that face the very first time she saw it—long before their encounter at the hotel.
In any crowd, he was always the most dazzling one. He was confident and aloof; his innate charisma set him apart from others.
At that moment, Qiao Nuo was pondering just how exceptional this man must be to become the person he is.
Now, that remarkable man lay beside her, whispering sweet nothings, making her feel that perhaps this life was not in vain after all.
She remembered how deeply he had loved her.
And she too harbored an irreplaceable affection for him. From that day forward, she would carry his love with her through each passing day.
“A Yan, I’m sorry for leaving you with the child while I’m gone.” Qiao Nuo caressed Jin Chengyan’s face, tracing the high bridge of his nose, his long eyelashes, and the perfect shape of his lips…
She gently pressed her lips against his, feeling the warmth.
Goodbye.
Qiao Nuo quietly got out of bed and tucked Jin Chengyan in. Her gaze fell once more into the pitch-black room; she could clearly remember where everything was placed, able to navigate it even with her eyes closed.
She thought that she probably wouldn’t be able to return here again.
The person on the bed slept soundly. Perhaps when he woke up tomorrow and found the bed empty, he would feel angry, anxious, or even scared.
But there was no need to be afraid or anxious; it would be alright. He wouldn’t lose her forever—whether it was their child or herself, one of them would always be there by his side.
Goodbye.
She softly uttered those two words to the peacefully sleeping Jin Chengyan before closing the door behind her as she left the room.
Upstairs were Jin Chengyan’s bedroom, study, and a living room. However, he often spent more time in the living room downstairs, perhaps because he felt Qiao Nuo’s presence there made it more comforting.
Descending the spiral staircase and taking a few steps led her to her old room. He had said he would turn it into a nursery. She guessed she wouldn’t get to see that nursery after all, but it was fine; her child could keep an eye on it for her.
At around four or five in the morning, it was pitch black. Qiao Nuo didn’t turn on the lights; she felt that in the old Jin Mansion, she had come and gone, a fleeting visitor, in a hurry.
...
By seven or eight in the morning, Jin Chengyan woke from his dreams, an instinct prompting him to reach out for Qiao Nuo. The thought that he would take her to the hospital today made his heart flutter slightly.
However, he couldn’t find Qiao Nuo’s figure in bed, and the spot beside him was already cold. Had she been up for a long time?
He suddenly opened his eyes wide.
“Qiao Nuo?” Jin Chengyan immediately threw off the covers, a bad premonition rising in his heart.
He searched the bathroom and every corner of the second floor but found no sign of Qiao Nuo!
Descending the stairs, he checked every nook and cranny on the first floor, yet there was still no trace of her!
“Qiao Nuo—” Jin Chengyan shouted into the room without even putting on his shoes, as if calling her name would make her appear!
Yet all he received in response was silence; there was no sign of Qiao Nuo and no sound from her.
His phone!
Jin Chengyan quickly grabbed the nearest landline to call Qiao Nuo. He knew her number by heart. After dialing, it went straight to voicemail. He tried again, but it was still off.
This time, Jin Chengyan wasn’t worried that Qiao Nuo had separated from him or was looking for some flimsy excuse; he suspected she might be hiding somewhere to give birth alone!
How could her body possibly endure that?
In a hurry, he returned to his room to find his mobile phone and called A Shan.
As soon as he opened his phone, he saw an unread message from Qiao Nuo.
“A Yan, by the time you read this message, you should know that I’m gone. I’m sorry for what I said last night; in the end, I still deceived you. But… I can’t bear to send my child away myself. I want to see it born healthy and have a happy childhood. Please don’t come looking for me; you can’t change my mind about having this baby. I love you, and I love our child. I’m sorry.”
The message abruptly ended there, without any further words.
But if Jin Chengyan followed Qiao Nuo's message, he wouldn’t be Jin Chengyan!
How could he possibly allow Qiao Nuo to give birth alone? That would be like watching her die right before his eyes!
He immediately called A Shan.
“A Shan, no matter what it takes, find Qiao Nuo right now and get her to the hospital!” Jin Chengyan was determined to ensure Qiao Nuo’s safety. As for having a child, he would go get a vasectomy immediately and make sure she would never get pregnant again!
He didn’t want a child; he only wanted Qiao Nuo.
“Young Madam left the Jin Mansion with you yesterday…”
“She’s gone again. She’s pregnant and wants to give birth alone, but her current health condition can’t handle it at all. You need to find her and take her to the hospital immediately! I want to see her on that operating table myself!” Jin Chengyan rubbed his temples, feeling like his head was about to explode. Every minute Qiao Nuo wasn’t by his side was a minute of danger!
“Understood!” A Shan responded promptly and set out to follow orders.
Jin Chengyan hung up the phone without changing his clothes, grabbing his phone and car keys as he rushed out of the Jin Mansion. He needed to find Ji Xining, the woman who had always been by Qiao Nuo’s side; without her help, where could Qiao Nuo possibly go?
Just as he drove off, his phone rang. Thinking it might be Qiao Nuo, he looked at the caller ID and realized it was someone he didn’t want to talk to.
However, Jin Chengyan answered anyway.
“Mom, I’ll explain Qiao Nuo’s situation later, but right now, I need to find her!” Perhaps A Shan had mobilized too many people from the Jin Family, so Yu Xin might have found out. But even if she knew, there was no way she could stop Jin Chengyan from wanting to find Qiao Nuo at that moment.
"Go home right now! I'm only saying this once!" Yu Xin's tone was particularly forceful; after all, how else could she have raised such a strong-willed son as Jin Chengyan?
Jin Chengyan threw his phone in frustration and abruptly turned the car around, heading straight for Jin Family Villa.
The journey from Jin Mansion to Jin Family Villa, which usually took forty minutes, was compressed to just twenty as he sped along. He parked the car in front of the villa's main entrance, flung open the door without bothering to close it, and stormed inside.
The servants sensed the anger radiating from Jin Chengyan, yet none dared to stop him.
In the side hall, Yu Xin sat elegantly, waiting for Jin Chengyan's arrival, with A Shan standing beside her.
Wasn't A Shan supposed to be looking for Qiao Nuo? Why was she here?
However, A Shan didn’t dare meet Jin Chengyan's gaze; it seemed she had been called by Yu Xin.
"Mrs. Jin, if you have something to say, please do it quickly. I have my own matters to attend to." Despite past disagreements with Yu Xin, Jin Chengyan had never openly defied her. Yet today, his tone was laced with deep dissatisfaction—how could anyone not notice?
"Jin Chengyan, how can you speak to your elder like that?" Yu Xin frowned.
"And how have you treated my wife? You used a child's life to force her away from me. After knowing you for so many years, I understand that even if you are strict and decisive, you would never go too far. But threatening Qiao Nuo when she is vulnerable is something I cannot comprehend! This time, I will find her! I won’t let you stop us from being together again."
Jin Chengyan had initially planned to resolve this matter with Yu Xin later, but now everything had collided at once; it had to be addressed immediately.
"Fine. If you won't let A Shan look for Qiao Nuo, then I will go myself. What you stand to lose is not just a grandson; it could very well be a son." He couldn't understand why his usually reasonable mother would act this way. Even if she wanted to protect her son, Jin Chengyan couldn't fathom it—he would face no issues at all!
"Jin Chengyan!" Yu Xin slammed her palm on the mahogany table and stood up, her face flushed with anger. "Is this really how you want to speak?"
"You’re forcing me into this!"
"Godmother, A Yan, both of you should hold your tongues for now. Shouldn’t we focus on finding Young Madam first? If we delay any longer and something happens—what then?" A Shan interjected in an attempt to mediate.
“What Young Madam? Qiao Nuo has nothing to do with our Jin Family anymore!” Yu Xin was also furious. “I see you’re listening to that ungrateful child instead of your Godmother!”
A Shan found herself caught in the middle, feeling uncomfortable.
“A Shan, forget it. I’ll go find her myself,” Jin Chengyan said, not wanting to put A Shan in a difficult position. After making his stance clear, he quickly left the side hall.
Yu Xin was so angry that she sat down heavily in a chair, trying to calm herself.
A Shan tried to soothe Yu Xin before rushing out to catch up with Jin Chengyan.
“A Yan, wait a moment,” A Shan called out to Jin Chengyan. “Actually, it might not be wise for you to go looking for Young Madam at this time.”
“Are you also going to side with your Godmother? I don’t know when she became like this; it’s simply incomprehensible!” Jin Chengyan was truly exasperated.
“I’m naturally on your side, but right now Young Madam sincerely wants to avoid you. If you go looking for her so ostentatiously, she will just hide from you. Given her current condition, do you really think she can handle running away and hiding?” A Shan’s words were quite persuasive, leaving Jin Chengyan speechless.
“Am I supposed to just watch her risk her life to give birth to some unknown child?” Jin Chengyan had no fondness for this child at all.
At this point, A Shan was also at a loss for words. Whether he searched for her or not, Jin Chengyan was in a dilemma, trapped in a difficult situation.
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